The Aquarius Gift Guide
WOW THEM!!
Once an Aquarius enters the picture one thing is for sure, there’s never a dull moment. An eccentric, progressive and rebellious flock of free spirits all born between January 19th – February 18th, on a mission to make the world a better place no matter how alternative the route to get there. Governed by Uranus, the planet responsible for keeping us all on our toes, the 11th sign of the Zodiac unapologetically floats through life with the greater good of the collective as their North Star. Think Paris Hilton rescuing as many teacup chihuahuas as she can fit in her pink Bentley, Oprah preaching the teachings of Eckhart Tolle to the masses while giving away all of her favorite things and Jennifer Anniston convincing an entire generation of women that they too can pull off a bob.
Nobody said visionaries were easy to shop for so I did the research. I present to you the Aquarius Gift Guide, a compilation of objects, clothing and things sure to wow the most imaginative trendsetters in your life as they ring in another year…
This is satire and to be read with a sense of humor. None of these characters are real, rather just figments of my imagination based on people I know, people I used to know and probably a few different versions of myself (both past and present).
January 24th 1990: Williamsburg Brooklyn
She hated working in finance but loved the paycheck. After being offered the promotion of her dreams, which would require her to have no social life, she decided to mull the decision over at Cha Cha Matcha. By chance she snapped an Instagram of her beloved RayBan aviators sprawled across the hot pink table with the hashtag #EyeCanSeeClearly. The photo went viral and decade later has led to millions of followers, trips to all seven continents, 2 coffee table books and a podcast about millennials finding clarity.
February 7 1959 : Soho, Manhattan
Everyone told her she was out of her mind to move to Soho in the 70’s. Flash forward almost half a century later with a 4000 sq ft loft on Greene St and a self portrait commissioned by Julian Schnable himself…who's laughing now? She credits her impeccable aging to never buying into any alternative milk trend and refusing to legally marry the father of her twin sons. Keep them guessing…
February 12, 1985: Greenwich, Connecticut
She arrived in Greenwich Connecticut kicking and screaming under the stipulation she could rescue two peacocks to live in the front yard of her Georgian Mansion. It’s only been 5 months and she’s already convinced half of the mother moms in her daughters 2nd grade class to fire their therapists and get an astrologist instead. Next weekend she’s throwing a Wes Anderson themed birthday with a costume requirement. This is 40!
February 17 1970: Santa Barbara, California
After dropping out of USC the second semester of her senior year upon getting a ping from the universe that Bikram Yoga was her calling, she opened a studio of her own in West Hollywood called I LIKE IT HOT! It became the fitness phenomenon of the 90’s, selling to Equinox for 8 figures in the early aughts. On her 41st birthday she treated herself to a solo weekend at The Rosewood Miramar where she locked eyes with a bartender 12 years her junior, and the rest is history. Goodbye Venice Canals! Hello Montecito! They live steps away from the beach with two kids and a hairless rescued via Instagram.
Obsessed with this. You nailed it! I especially love that you included birthdays and years—the perfect touch. Please do one for every sign when their time comes! Xx