Does Anyone Know What Day It Is?
Diving Head First Into The Most Chaotic Week Of The Year
The week between Christmas and New Years! Nothing makes sense, calories don’t count and we’re basically hours away from a completely new chapter. Live it up! Xx
This is satire and to be read with a sense of humor. None of these characters are real, rather just figments of my imagination based on people I know, people I used to know and probably a few different versions of myself (both past and present).
Horizontal At Home
‘Horizontal At Home’- she replies beaming from ear to ear, whenever anyone asks how she plans to spend holiday break. As the Founder of The influencer marketing agency the last few weeks have been nothing but a battlefield of Gift Guides and bone-dry-gin-martinis. To seal the deal on some much needed R+R she booked an appointment for Fraxel which requires approximately 7 days downtime- the 30-something equivalent of ‘I can’t go out, I’m sick **cough, cough**’ The week-off-syllabus includes a hair mask, homemade bone broth and finally reading Blue Sisters. A proud triple Virgo, the closest she’ll get to manifesting is watching Babygirl, because every now and then art imitates life.
Eau de Soleil Blanc Scented Naked Mole-Rat
Like clockwork, she spends the 26th of December braving the landing of the Gustof III Airport, only to arrive in Saint Barths a perfectly moisturized, Eau de Soleil Blanc scented naked mole-rat. Never one to brag, but dipping your Rose Porcelaine painted toes in the crystal clear waters Baie de St Jean, followed by a Rosé soaked lunch at Nikki Beach is one of life’s simple pleasures that can simply not be captured on Instagram. Despite how many New Year Eves she’s spent on the island, the fireworks over Gustiva never fail to take her breath away. ‘So - are we starting Dry January tomorrow, or what?’ her friend Cosmina yells over Keinemusik DJ-ing in the background. A version of sun-kissed self in a Chloe cardigan sipping a martini and devouring a Chanterelle Comté Tart at Bridges flashes before her eyes. ‘Maybe next year!’
Tourist In Her Own Town
Who doesn’t love New York during the holidays? She’s sticking around the concrete jungle and loving every minute of it. A matinee of ‘Oh Mary’, dinner at The Polo Bar, getting day drunk at Balthazar and a trip to The Met- all of the good stuff. After making a conscious effort not to shop for herself at all during the month of December, she will be at Bergdorf’s the second the clock hits 12/26 to stock up handblown glass Santa’s and hopefully a heavily discounted Caroline Herrera Jacket. Of course she sprinkled in a few Raya dates to fill the void, because how cute would it be to tell her future kids ‘Mom and Dad met when they were both stuck in the city the week before New Years.’
You Can Tell Chappaqua The Bitch Is Back
Is it even Christmas until she posts her annual Paris-filtered charcuterie board sprawled out across her parents' never ending fern green marble kitchen island? Don’t expect her to answer your texts until December 30th at the earliest, the next few days are strictly for family time and walking though her childhood neighborhood decked out in bala bangles, blasting Chappell Roan. Visiting her favorite hometown restaurant for penne alla vodka in 4 inch Saint Laurent Slingbacks may seem excessive, but there’s only so many ways to say: ‘You can tell Chappaqua the bitch is back.’
What Do You Mean You’ve Never Been Skiing?!
‘What do you mean you’ve never been skiing?!’ her gasps echo through the 40 foot ceilings of her parents Aspen house. It’s those magical 10 days of the year where reality shifts from Éliou Necklaces and Erewhon smoothies to Kemo Sabe hats and hot chocolate in the lobby of The Little Nell. Each day begins with a quick jaunt down Buttermilk, followed by various levels of ‘Après’ ranging from lunch at Ajax Tavern to Champagne Showers at Cloud Nine. Regardless of every night ending with espresso martinis at Hotel Jerome, she’ll arrive back in Los Feliz more in touch with nature than ever ready to take on 2025. All gas no breaks!
